Lona

Hi! Another day I was waiting to turn right, so when the traffic lights turned green I turned right on another road and almost straight away there was a traffic light on the right side red, but I thought it was for the traffic on this other road as I was turning right. And also almost a few days later the same situation, only I was turning left on the main road and again traffic light ahead of me was red . I have never had problems with this before and wonder where has it come from. If I was in the wrong, do you think on those both occassions traffic lights had cameras and I will get 2 fines? Have most traffic lights have cameras?

Hi! I seemed to be ok with the traffic lights,. but I think I have made a mistake. The traffic lights were green, so I was turning left and there was a traffic light in front of me on my right side red and I thought it was for the traffic on the main road ,so I kept on driving.do all traffic lights have cameras and any chance I won't get a fine?

I am having a mole biopsy soon,

Hello! Just a few days ago I received a ticket for stopping shortly on a yellow box junction. The cars in front of me were driving slowly and so was I until the bus came out and I had to stop in a box junction. The fine was £120. CAn I appeal or ask for reduction? But my real question is how do I know if I have got ticket for anything else, what is the maximum time to get a ticket? CAn I get a ticket even a few months later after the offence?

Hi! Me and my partner have got kids togeter and been in a relationship for 8 years. I have my own issues as I had abusive childhood- I have mood swings,can be pessimistic, tearful sometimes. But also my partner has control over everything I do. Here is dilema - he says he doesn't want to marry me unless my moods(personality disorder) is under strict control. He just wants to have a good life after failed relationships. I think if he wants to play it safe and only wants to be with me if I am the way he wants me to be then he doesn't really love me. Its not like I am not improving, because I am. what would you do? The reason why it is so confusing is because he is very caring when it comes to doing things for me as if he loves me, but is not very affectionate and doesn't spend quality time with me. I thinkg I might be the wrong person for him becasue it sounds as if he hates everything about me.

Hi! Silly question. How do I make my answers and questions private on my yahoo account.

hi everyone! Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years and have 2 little kids together.He has been there for me from the first day he has known me. He is a lot older than me. I have let him down at the beginning due to self destructuve behaviour etc. The thing is I have problems from my childhood I was abused as a child. My boyfriend thinks I have a borderline personality disorder and it is always e xcuse about every single argument - he is right and I am wrong becaause I have borderline. He says we will get married when I sort myself out. He controls everything because of my borderline disorder - what I think doesn't count cos I am sick . What would you suggest?

Hi! I am struggling to come to terms that my partner might be emotionally abusive and I blame myself ,because I have made loads of mistakes and I have only lived with my partner for 7 years without having much interaction with anyone else and my parents live in another country. your own experiences?

Hi! I live in UK with my partner and our 2 kids +his kids. I came to England when I was 18 on my own to escape mental abuse I had to put up with for 18 years. I met my partner in UK when I was 19 - young and naive. He was a lot lot older thn me but he did not look that. When I first started seeing him he was everything - kind, funny, attractive, understanding etc. I trusted him and told about all my past problems. He helped me a lot, but I wasn't with him for his care or money - he wasn't rich, but a very nice man. When I became pregnant with his child and moved in with him, he became very critical to everything I did. I agree, I wasn't very good with things, but not that bad either. Since then he has told me - if you don't like something - you know where the door is. He has helped me to improve in all different ways and is a good dad, but he has to be in control in everything. I have to ask for permission to do everything and excuse is my personality disorder that I mention I might have, so he always says my opinion doesn't matter because I am sick. The thing is I am not insane. I

looke after kids all the time , don't go out with friends etc. Just how long my past mistakes are gonna be my present? He has pushed me, sweared at me, etc. The thing is the arguments always come to the same things - I have gone somewhere e.g. shop without telling him, I want to go to places(my adventures as he says) etc. I am too greedy, selfish etc. The thing is he always shuts me up and is right about everything. And if I try to prove my point he gets angry etc. I know he has the power because he earns the money, but it is always that I am put in kids category and he is in another - he can have the freedom to go out with friends, buy things he thinks we need etc, but when it is me I am greedy. I only had kids with him because he was different. Now I depend on him in every aspect and he is so powerful . If he through ne out tomorrow, he would tell everyone I am mad, bad mother etc. What choice have I got? I love him, but I don't know how much longer I can live like this. Whatever I got is his and I havn't been able to earn while looking after kids. I would not like to live in a hose where all the drug addicts live, I want a life for my kids, but what opportunities single mother would have in this financially difficult time on top of this credit crunch?

Hi! Me and my partner have been together for 7 years.I was very young when I met him and he was in his forties with kids. WE have little kids now together. The thing is he has always cared about me trying to support me , even though I have not always beem good to him . But, I am devoted partner and have been for a long time now. I love him. The problem is - he acts the most of the time as if he hates me - I seem to get things wrong all the time, can not live up to his expectations etc. I find myself lying to him about silly things, because whatever I do , I have to confirm it with him. I feel as he shoujld be with a successful woman, intelligent etc. not with me, I find myself agreeing when I don't. I can change a lot for hime, but the fact is, I need my own time to sort myself out- become more intelligent, successful, a great partner. He can do whatever he wants, I can't. Everything is his - his house, all the other things. I don;t have anything and we are not even married. HE says if my personlity doesn't change, we don't have a future together, but he has said it so many times , that I am fed up hearing he will ask me to leave the house and go elsewhere, while I have devoted myself to him - my youth, my effort to look after kids and change my personality. I am still young , but I feel he could just destroy me if he wanted any time. I don;t know what to do, I can not lie and say it doesn;t hurt that the father of ytour children doens't think you are fit enough to be together.

Hi everyone! My partner doesn't think much of me as a mother and I know I need to improve a lot, but here is a problem - we have 2 little kids under 4 and I have looked after them since they have been born almost 24/7. My partner is more experiences as he has got 2 older kids. So, he always tells my to do this and that and even though I am not going out with my friends - havn't been out for 4 years not and do things for kids from the time they get up till they go to sleep till about midnight sometimes it doesn't seem enough. Whether it is not doing things corectly or not knowing enough.I always say that telling things and doing things is not the same. The thing is , I feel sometimes the effort counts as well and I am trying . I am devoted to my kids - I live for them. I have shouted to them at time and it makes me feel a bad mother, Its like I wake up and from the start I hear all the things I do wrong from my parter till I go to sleep and sometimes it is too much. WE hardly have any affection, its all my faults we talk about. I don't know how to stop raising my voice with kids- when they have done something wrong and don't listen, I feel nothing works but raising my voice, but I know it is really bad. I suppose I just take out my frustration and exhaustion on kids. Its like you tell them 10 time not to do something and the 11th time you just lose it. What strategies should I use? I am young and ,my partner is a lot older, but what shall IO do with my faults, I had abusive childhood and I have problems because of that, but I feel it is unfair for my partner to dismiss all the things I do. HE says if I can't even look after the kids that I might as well not be here , then he will do everything himslef, but I find it cruel. Its like saying that if I am not good enough, children don't need a mother at all. I don't smoke, drink, swear, hit etc. it is only my temper like when it just gets too much doing things for my family on a daily basis hardly doing anything for myself and still not being good enough. Am I a bad mother? I know that whatever the circumstances , no excuses for this behaviour.

Hi! My partner treats me differently from everybody else. When it comes to outside people he is charming, nice, clever etc. When he is with children he is funny , affectionate, nice etc. When he is with me , he cares about me, yet, makes me feel as if he hates me most of the time. He haqs no respect for me,. calls me stupid, other rude words, blames me for everything, withdraws affection etc. In other words, I always get something wrond and thats why he treats me like this. I have to ask permission about everything. From the outside people see me good lookingm happy, dedicated etc. but inside I am dying. I got no life - no friends, no family etc. What do I do - no matter how many things I got, it is all on my partners conditions - where to drive my car, when, what to do, when to do things etc. I know he is a lot older than me and gives me good advices, but all the humiliation and always wait for him to tell me how to do things and wait, wait always wait for everything...I don't want kids to suffer , but feel there is no win situation - stay, go, compromise?I feel very, very hopeless, sometimes even suicidal.Have you been there, done it?

Hi! No matter how many times I have asked for answers, it looks I still doubt about whats going on in my relationship. Who do I turn to? I am completely alone. The most of the time my partner acts if he hatesme and then when I tell him this, he says it is not true - its me my behaviour - not listening etc. He is a lot older than me , so he is wiser, more experiences etc. The thing is even when we talk about our little kids - I am selfish, bad etc. mother in my partner eyes, but I am trying, at least I am with them literally 24/7 and it is easier to say what to do, than actually do it. I have to ask permission about everything and tell where I spend money when I he gives me some, but when I tell my partner I am an adult, he says I am not, cos I don't act like one, so I can't be treated like one. The thing is I know I have faults - I am insecure, dependant on others a lot etc., but since being with my partner who is older and more capable, I have improved so much. I was 19 when we met and had children almost straight away. I always believed that we had problems because of me, but to be truthful, I can't take it anymore. My partner is considering to throw me out of the house, cos I am in a denial about my mental state he says. The thing is I know for a fact I am not insane but I do have problems as I have been abused 18 years verbally and physchologically, I still have been able to overcome eating disorder without much help, am not dependant on any drugs, look after children 24 /7. It disappoints me that it is not enough. Little things like me sending an envelope to my family instead of my partner are wrong cos he said he could do it for me etc. Is it possible that my partner could be wrong even if I am not this independant woman and have my faults? If my partner wants to throw me out, what shall I do, agree, apologise? I love him and the kids, but our conversations make me suicidal on a daily basis and he will not want to talk more and does not want me to talk to anyone else either, justy look at myself and behave better next time.

Hi! WE have had mice in our house for a while now. At first we just saw them at night once in a while, but this year something has gone worng badly. WE live on the second floor and mice are soming from our neighbour and unfortunately we can't do nothing about hte holes they get in, cos there are too many. So, we have seen mice during the day, in the evening and at night. when I wake up I find some mice poo on a setee, in our kitchen etc. I have seen some small ones in some shopping bags we have left in the kitchen etc. It is terrifying me. I am phobic of them. So, from the time I wake up I am scared till I go to bed. Its not normal, WE had pest control coming, but all they did was to give us some poison to put out. Now we have put it out and I see mice constantly eating the poison, but where is the end to it - does it even work and if it does , just won't there be more mice coming over and over again. I have told my partner that there should be more that should be done and maybe those mice even live somewhere in the house , how shall I stay calm, I am scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi, everyone! I am at this stage where I doubt whether I do enough for my partner and all together. I have been with my partner for 5 years now and we have 2 little kids together and 2 from his previous relatinship. I moved in with him after knowing him for a year and 1/2. He is a lot older than me, I am 23. From the moment I wake up, I take care of our kids. I looked after my first one for 3 years , now I got my youngest one just under a year. I do some cooking, some light housework, whatever my partner wants me to do.

You must know from your own experience. Get up, dress up your kids, feed one, then another, then wash up, potty, bath, then luch etc. Sometimes It is harder when 2 children are ill at the same time. They both need you at the same time - onew sick, another crying etc. I just find myself running around constantly from the moment I wake up till I go to sleep. Sometimes I don't have time to wash my face or go to the toilet when I need to. Its like what I am doing is not good enough, but at the same time, I don't stop working for one moment. I have not been out with my friends for 4 years. Its only the kids, that all it is. And I love being there for them. But my partner is in charge of everything and tells me what to do, etc. I stay at home with my kids at home a lot and he tells my if I can go to places and when it is best to go. The thing is, my partner still tells me I am selfish. If I want to see my friends, he tells me I should have my kids as priorities. I can't really go out much because I have to take kids with me, but he would not look after them if it is just going out and do things for myself. He is very good regarding to housework and earning money, but the only reson he does not want me to do some of the things is because I am not as good as he is. For example, if I want to go to work, my partner says I won't earn enough, but then tells me so often I am siting on my backside doing nothing . The fact is no matter how good or bad I am , I want to do things for myself whether it is ironing or washing up. I don't want to wait for him to do it. Also , it really gets to me asking for money etc. There was a time when I could not get out of the house for a couple of weeks to look after my child who was unwell, so we just had silly arguments even about food - he is in charge what we eat as well and even though it is great , sometimes I want to choose myself. Its like if he disagrees with some things I want to eat, he won't get it for me. I am so annoyed - Its not like I do not appreciate him and he does care about us and the kids, but I hate being in a position where I am called selfish when I am prepared to do things , not as good as him, but still do it. I am a person who has failings, but I feel there is never an end to it. My partner is just so unhappy with me , I feel he hates me for the most of the time. HE says he doesn't - he just wants me to listen and do things the right way, but I seem to fail all the time...

Hi! Any experiences about borderline personality disorder would be appreciated - do you have it, how do you know you have it and how do you cope with it?

Hi! I am addicted to chocolate and it seems the same as if I was addicted to drugs. I have to have chocolate every day and if I don't I crave everything that is sweet and have bigger appetite and feel withdrawal symptoms like fatique , irritability etc. It is very hard to overcome it. Well, I have not manage to. Its like my body craves this substance and feels great after eating it. And its not like a little bar would do. I need loads like 200g a day. It does not make me fat, though. I am size 8 on top of eating a lot, but it does damage my teeth.

Hi! I suspect that my relationship with my partner is unhelathy - abusive. I do mistakes, I know that. But I have to ask permission for everything and have no life - its all about how my partner plans it, does everything, also the name calling etc. Have you been in the similar relationship and what did you do? Did you have the guts to solve it ? I love my partner, we have 2 little kids, so they do not understand things yet, but no matter how many time I promise myself to keep my mouth shut and do sa I am told to, I eventually can't control my self and let it out. Its not like I am without fault, but when I have to ask for permission to go out or ask whether I can do certain things, when it is all about that my partner is always right and I am always wrong , then things seems a bit extreme. He has told me no man would touch me. He has many good qualities as well and is different with kids - very affectionate and good, but its different with me. Is there any way how it could work out us staying together (I know he will never admit he is too controlling)?

Hi, everyone! There is a say that small things turn into big ones and thats what is happening with me at the moment.

Apart from all the other things I do not have a control and I have to ask permission almost abo0ut everything to my partner, I got an issue with our kitchen use. We have a small house, so my partner uses kitchen as his office as well - making phone calls etc. So I have to ask him permission to use the kitchen if he is at home. He also does not want me to go in the kitchen if he is cooking even if it is just getting a drink. If I do he says negative remarks like why do you keep coming in the kitchen or could you get out of the kitchen, or something else. It sounds like a little thing , but when he is at home a lot it is a problem for me. Like today I got up, got my daughter ready for the nursery and then went back to sleep. When I got up later with my son I was going to have some breakfast, but my partner told me I should of used the kitchen earlier when nobody was at home and I shouldn't of gone to sleep again. I find it hard to deal with on top of the other things I have no say about. I know people often say - if you don;t like things how they are chnage them or get out, but I still try to compromise for the kids sake as I have trusted my partner, but realize I am to dependant on him now - on his opinioin about myself, life in general and my kids. What do you say, am I being the childish one? Oh, and I was called deceitful as well, cos I didnt' tell my partner about my visit to the doctor - the conversation I had with the doctor. I found it a bit harsh, I don;t think I am deceitful in this situation. Thanks

Hi! I have struggled with this problem for 4 years now. The problem is that at first I didn't realize, but now I start to understand that something is realy wrong in our relationship. I have to ask my partner for permission to do things(anything, even when I can use a kitchen if he is there busy), to go to places etc. He doesn't take my opinion into consideration and doesn't let me talk about things he doesn't want to hear or disagree, isolates himself from me, calls names, tells me there is nothing I am good at etc. HE calls me a selfish mother. WE have 2 little kids together and with both of them I was the one who looked after them every single night and day, yet its not good enough. If I disagree or talk back he tells me he wilol throw me out of his house and I won't be able to look after children and be a good mother,. I live for children, I don't go out with friends etc. But whatever I do, even clothes I wear is up to him. The problem is he is a great dad when he does spend time with children, he has high standards and he provides for the family. He never physically abuses anyone. HE even cooks and does the washing, but not that I don't want to do that - he says I am not very good at it at the moment and I need to focus on my children. And because he is a good father and is successful; himself has made me believe that he is right and I am wrong. I am not without problems, but I am sane and strong person and I have survived on my own in this country. I was 18 when I came to live to England and 19 when I met my partner. He is a lot older , though. He wasn't like this before I moved in with him , so I could n predict things will turn out like this. Everything is all my fault and its like he hates me.Help!! Also I love him and the kids, but I know , he won't want to compromise.