TomatoMom

The mediator told him, twice - don't call her (meaning me) after 8 p.m. -yet he continues to do so.

The mediator asked him to pick and commit to a specific time that he will pick up our son on his days - and after arguing with him - told him in no uncertain terms - he may not arrive early at my house just because he got off of work early - go find something else to do - yet he still calls/texts/emails/travels/arrives up to 45 min. early.

Both the mediator and our son's therapist have specifically told him to stop saying to our son 'There's something wrong with you!' yet hrs. later - he says it again to our child.

The court papers are clear: Do not involve the child in court matters - he has our son call me to ask if he can go live at Dad's every other week. Ex admits he told our son Mommy is going by whats written in the divorce decree and went on to tell me that our child has anger issues with me becuase of that.

The court papers are clear: WE as parents must agree before deciding on matters such as choice of daycare, doctors, etc - but he doesn't honor that.

Don't speak disrespectfully about the other parent in front of or near the child? Neither he, his wife, and now nor her children honor this.

Dentist said he needs to have his teeth flossed every night - our son tells me that when he's there he doesn't floss, my ex then claims our child is lying.

I buy my son a Halloween outfit (for my scheduled holiday) - she (SM) get's him a better one.

I buy him new shoes - she goes and gets him another pair - sends him to school in 'theirs', the pair from here at the bottom of the bag. Now she has told my son this year that he is to ONLY wear 'their' shoes everyday to school.

I bought him a new book bag - she went out and got a better one with a matching lunchbox. I wrote my normal 'I Love you' note inside his lunch box as I have always done since day 1 - she saw it, ran right out and bought him a different lunch box, and told him to tell me to stop doing that.

Sm ordered school picture retakes without my knowledge nor consent.

HOW do I protect my son from this BS? I refuse to speak badly about his father (and SM), I refuse to involve him in the custody dispute, when they had him call me to excitedly tell me about his new bookbag and lunch box I gracefully bowed out, when my son said he HAD to wear THEIR shoes I simply told him that the shoes were HIS - and he could wear any paid he wanted. (So now they have told him that they want their shoes back). What can I do? Will the judge care about any of this - or is this just freaking common day....groan!

My ex-husband & I share joint custody with our son, who is now 7. One of the many things that my ex does that just infuriates me is deflecting accountability onto our child - it's truly unnerving for me. For example: the teacher's direction on a post-it note for my sons homework state: 'Read Chapters 2-3' (then write about what you read). When I brought to my ex's attn. that he had our son only read Chapter 2 - he at first replied that that is not how he understood the directions, he though he was only supposed to have our child read chapter 2, then he turned to our son and asked him why didn't he tell Daddy that he needed to read two chapters. My son was 6 at the time, in 1st grade when this example too place btw. Another example: when I discover that the charger was not returned along with my sons cell phone (I won't go into why my 7 yr. old has his own cell ph right now - suffice it to say it's the 'Mommy/Son Only Phone') after a visit with Daddy, I politely mentioned it to me ex. 1 week later, when my son goes back to his Dad's - I politely reminded my ex that the phone needs to be charged right away, the battery is dead. My ex got indignant, asked me WHY wasn't it already charged before his arrival to pick up his son, so I reminded him of his not returning it to me - and he turned and admonished our son for not remembering to bring the charger back with him last time. Tell me - is it normally a child of or around this age's responsibility to recall with detail what his homework instructions are, to remember to pack up everything before going to the other parents house?

I have tried, and tried, and tried to have a positive relationship with my ex and his new spouse, but the fact is it that they make every effort to antaganize and harrass me. More so now that we are in the midst of a child custody modification. Both of their animosity towards me is to the point of being out of control - whereas they use my 6 yr. old son as a tool to push my buttons. At a recent baseball practice, three olther children's mommies approached me to inform me that my son's step mom had been shooting eye daggers and sneering and leering at me the entire time - right there in front of her own 3 kids (from a previous marriage) and for all, including my son to see. Last night, the ex had my son call me from the special cell ph. I got my son for him to call me directly on and I him, to avoid further harrasment from these two - then hand the phone to my ex so he could ask me a question that most certainly could have waited for an email. Today, is my son's annual physical exam - and of course, is is always par for the course, my ex insists that the step mom will be present. My son aint no dummy, albeit I have bent over backwards to keep a good pleasant face on when in close proximity of such seething animosity - and he himself has been showing signs of anxiety in both school and when in the presence of everyone. Why does my ex have to insist to make things as difficult as possible on both myself and his son? So now what do I do to protect my self, and my son from such stress situations? If I tell them that the step-mom is 'not family' and may not join us in the exam room - that will infuriate them, and lower me to their evil practices - but I need to protect my son, that's my job as his Mom - please help!

I just found out from my son and his best friend (both are 6 years old) that some months ago, when my ex husband asked last minute if my son could go with him to a Rams football game (I explained he was busy with a play date with is best friend but the Ex replied he had two extra tickets and that both could come...so I ran it by the guest's Mom and she thought it would be alright..) that according to both children, that at one time me ex left both of them alone in their seats as he went to get something, and another time when my son had to go to the bathroom - left his best friend alone in his seat. Would YOU leave a 6 year who you never met before and do not know unattended in a stadium? How about your own child and his friend?

Both my friend and myself have ex-husbands that never accepts responsibility, it's always someone else's fault/job/responsibility - never their own. It's the school's job to educate the children, not theirs as parents, it's the mother's job to help with homework, not theirs, it's the 6 year old child's responsibility to know what chapters he's to read for his homework, never-mind that written directions from the teacher, it's the 5 yr olds fault for getting lost, he should have known better then to walk away from the group, and so on and so on. There has to be a term, a word, heck, a diagnosis, for someone who is so full of excuses, deflections, denials, but we can't figure out what it is..can you?

Some time back, my ex-husband's new wife allowed her 5 year old to get a honest-to-god Mohawk haircut, much to my astonishment upon seeing the lil boy. I told my Ex and my son No mohawk for him - not ever. Well - Christmas Day I went to pick him up (we're divorced, I have primary physical custody, he has visitation) and you can guess what my 6 year old son was sporting - a brand new mohawk haircut. Turns out his step brother, who originally had to mohawk - has had 4 since, and every time he goes back to his own Dad's (the stepmother is divorced as well) the Dad promptly cuts it off, and my ex and his new wife keep getting him new ones. This is ridiculous! Talk about kids in the middle - and I can see the road paved before me - if I have it cut off - they'll just do it again. What would you do?

It's been almost 4 years now since my divorce to my ex hubby. He remarried 2 years ago. I have primary physical custody of our now 6 year old, he has every other weekend and every Mon. Yesterday my son excited shows me the new christmas cards that "I" ordered (I didn't, I knew nothing of them) through his school, with his drawing on the front, and that my ex and the step mom must have gotten the initial order form first from school, completed the form, made the payment, and excluded my completely from this special art work opportunity. Last week it was the step mom ordered a re-take of my son's 1st grade picture without my knowledge - and even told my son that she didn't like the 1st one. The week before that the ex for the 4rth time now demanded that my sons homework be done by the time he comes to pick him up on his custody day. Before that - ex has our son call me to ask me if it would be alright to live at his dad's a week at a time - and it's dicovered that ex and step-mom openly discuss child custody modification with all the children within their household. Ex recently admitted that he told my son that even though he's supposed to be spending the night every Monday night, that Mommy won't let him because she's going by the wording in the divorce decree. Before that - found out ex and step mom approached my sons pediatrician, told him that their concerned my son is suffering from fetal alchohol syndrome! and had pre-K and kindergarten teachers filling out observations forms (for ADD since pediatrician told them that my son does not have FAS) and now my child is labeled in school as having ADD and both ex and step mom accuse me of not getting the child the help he needs (yet they won't honor his routine bed times, demand to wake him at 5-5:30 am on a school day cuz Ex needs to get into work early, hence why I am enforcing the words in the decree that I pick him up at 7 on Mon. this school year), they don't consistently dicipline him (allow him to go on a sleep over on thier 1st night with him after his being sent to pricinples office!, say if he had a good week then they'll take him to 6 flaggs, he didn't have a good week but he still went), I'm at my wits end - I think it's emotional abuse, parental alienation, hostile agreesive parenting, and just down right detrimental to my son. Sound familiar to anyone? Any suggestions before I lose my mind and cry myself to death?

My 6 year old son came home Mon. with new 1st grade school pictures - which confused me because he already had his 1st grade school picture taken (wearing a tuxedo, great smile, he loved them), the packets sent home, etc, quiet some time ago. I asked him where these new ones (brown flannel shirt over a black t-shirt, forced smile) came from - and he sadly said that his step-mom didn't like the 1st picture and had school re-take the picture...he doesn't know why she didn't like the first one, cuz he liked the one with the tuxedo...

I'm upset that she told my son that she didn't like his school picture, I'm upset that no one even discussed his school picture being re-taken with me, I'm upset that the ever power tripping step-mom has in my opinion over stepped her rights and changed my son's school picture that will be in his 1st yearbook...

Would you be upset too?

We were divorced almost 4 years ago - and even though ex fought for a 50/50 custody - he couldn't do it do to his work schedule. It's been a 4 year long custody battle nonetheless. Last week, my Ex had our son call me to ask me if he could live at his Dad's for one week, then here with me for one week, and so on. I asked my son who had been talking to him about that and he replied that his 5 year old step brother told him about it, then they both were just then talking to my ex about is and that's why he was calling - to ask if that would be alright. I calmly asked my son to please put his Daddy on the phone then implored my ex to not involve our child in adult matters, but to no avail. He screamed and yelled - with my son listening, saying crap like 'Why won't you listen to what your son wants?' - all for my son to hear. Isn't that emotional abuse? Is there anything I can do to help protect my son if I can't get my ex to stop involving him in adult matters? Our mediation meeting is set for Nov. 7th.

You know how the saying goes - what goes around comes around. Well, when I married my now ex and became a step mom - I detested the ex wife/mother - I suppose a spousal siding thang. Now that the tables have turned and now my ex has remarried and the new wife/step mom is hell bent on hating me - I taste the medicine I dispensed. Now that I am a Mom, I now understand and have concerns; my intuitive son has picked up on it. How will this effect him in the long run? The Ex and new (4Th) wife are a combative team to destroy me and my sons relationship. They, in short, are out to replace and eliminate me. I've got to wonder - is it this just common day natural occurrence / given?

What prompted you to go back to court, and how did it turn out?

Would you email/call/attempt to discuss this with the ex when: My ex husband soooooo knows that my 6 year old sons bed time here is 8 p.m. - I could go on for days about our arguments about his not honoring our child's bed time. Tonight - my ex called at 7:50 pm - I assumed, of course, that he was calling to wish me son good night. Nope. As soon as I handed the phone to my son - he told my son that America's Got Talent is on (Mom! America's got Talent is on!")...uhh, ok, you only got 10 minutes, what channel? (he asked his Dad, told me channel 5 he thinks in which I turned the tv to and a scene no child should see was on and was def not Am. Got Talent) My son told his Dad that that's not it....and then my son informed me that his Dad says it starts at 8 pm (and can we pleaseeeeeee watch it).

And what time do you wake him up for school, during the school year.

My ex husband soooooo knows that my 6 year old sons bed time here is 8 p.m. - I could go on for days about our arguments about his not honoring our child's bed time. Tonight - my ex called at 7:50 pm - I assumed, of course, that he was calling to wish me son good night. Nope. As soon as I handed the phone to my son - he told my son that America's Got Talent is on (Mom! America's got Talent is on!")...uhh, ok, you only got 10 minutes, what channel? (he asked his Dad, told me channel 5 he thinks in which I turned the tv to and a scene no child should see was on and was def not Am. Got Talent) My son told his Dad that that's not it....and then my son informed me that his Dad says it starts at 8 pm (and can we pleaseeeeeee watch it). I know there is a word for this.,.,,,

Background: I'm divorced, it's been almost 4 years now, I responsibily always speak nicely/respectfully/kindly about my son's father in front of my son, albeit my ex has alot of animosity towards me. My son is very intuitive, so I watch my words, tone, facial expressions, everything when it comes to speaking of his father.

While waiting for the bus as the bus stop this a.m. I noticed that my son had buttoned his shirt wrong so I had to unbutton/re-button - and did so playfully, with the other Mom's and kids watching/overhearing. As he mocked being embarrassed/aggravated I jokingly commented 'Uh Oh - I think Nick is going to kill me!' and he responded clear as day for all to hear: "I think my Dad would rather."

What do you think of his comment.

My 6 year old son is now in 1st Grade, and I am seriously considering petitioning the court for a child custody modification whereas the father will now have to return the child back to me on school nights as opposed to keeping him over night on his Sundays and Mondays. I feel it's in our son's best interests to have more structure and routine, in which he did not get last school year (K) with his father's inability to keep a similar sleep schedule as the child is accustomed to here at my household. He keeps my son up late, he wakes him early, he thinks nothing of it either. Ex has no problem whatsoever waking the child at 5 a.m. on a school day because he needs to get into work early. Ex and new step mom are hell bent on having my son diagnosed as ADD due to inattention and behavioral problems, but refuse to consider that the lack of structure and routine, topped by their spiteful stance to refuse to co-parent and discipline the child may be contributing to the problem. My son would fall asleep while sitting in his chair at 4:40 in the afternoon after coming home from school after being at his Dads, he would fall asleep hours before his 8 pm bedtime, he would be crabby and cranky and argumentative. I can't let it continue - for my sons sake - but will a court agree?

I give my son routinely and religously a multi-vitamin every day that he is with me. His father, my ex, however does not give him any vitamins on his visitations (every other weekend, every Mon, and overy other week during summer). I often wonder if this on, then off again, then on again vitamin routine could have a negative impact on my son, his behavior, his energy, his ability to focus, etc. Any thoughts?

I have primary physical custody of my son, who just started 1st Grade. My Ex has scheduled visitation every other weekend AND Monday's (ending on Tue. a.m.) & up until this past summer, we had used the same daycare for p/u and drop offs, which worked fine all the way up till my son started kindergarten. No more naps K. My Ex's work schedule is very sporatic & we've had several agruments last school yr. about his keeping our son up too late, his dropping our son off @ daycare @ 6 a.m., my son coming home from school after being with Dad so wiped out that he falls asleep while sitting in a chair @ 4 p.m. & way earlier than normal bedtime, his inattention and behavioral problems @ school & @ home (in which the Ex is hell bent on having my son diagnosed with ADD). I argue that our son needs more routine & structure, that waking him @ 5-5:30 a.m. on his Mon. & Tue. a.m.'s ontop of getting my son to bed @ various & later hrs. than he is used to while here w/ me (in bed by 8-8:30 p.m., up @ 7 a.m., to the bus stop at 8 a.m. every Wed., Thur and Fri) is detrimental to our son. Now that the ex this past summer refused to pay for daycare becuz his new wife can watch our son while the ex has to work, he's irrate with me that I am strongly opposed to his wanting (demanding?) to bring our son back to my house at 6:15 in the a.m. on a school day for me to take our child to his bus stop becuz the ex needs to get to work early, furthermore the ex admits he is incapable of taking our son to either his school nor bus stop on time. What do you think?

Several times the Y!A community, as well as several other friends and neighbors and even the police have suggested that I go to back to court and get a custody modification for my 6 yr old son. Yet after going to 4 different attorney's now in 3 years time I am gathering that custody modifications are difficult to obtain. That's good to hear, and bad to hear. Good to hear, becuase from day one me ex petitioned for a 50/50 custody arrangement - in which I knew and know for a fact he could never meet while he works for UPS (super long hours, many work schedule changes, days then nights, then days again, tranfers to other cities and states at a moments notice for weeks to months at a time). It is more than clear to everyone that he only wanted 50/50 so he would not have to pay child support to yet another ex for yet another child. It's also more than apparent that he marries so the wife can take care of the children, not him, not his job. He's on his 4th marriage now and no longer honors the Right to 1st Refusal, fought to have his new wife defined by his latest attorney to not be included in the Right To 1st Refusal stipulation that if the child is not with the FATHER for a period of 3 hours the FATHER must notify the MOTHER and offer me the time that he will not be with our child to me. So now, me ex doesn't need to be present during his scheduled visitation times ! My attorney said the ex is wrong, that he is not honoring the Right to 1st Refusal, but doubts the judge will get all up in arms about it and to let it go. Ex won that round and immediately stopped paying our agreed upon daycare becuase he no longer needs daycare svcs - our child can stay @ home with his wife while he works (uh, I work too!) My attorney said he can't do that either - but I would have to pay all of the daycare fees whether my child is present or not, then go back to court to get him to reimburse me. The difficulty for a modification change is bad to hear becuz the ex is a pathological liar and is now calling my son a liar practically to his face when he is in fact telling the truth, the ex is still 3 yrs. after the divorce so incredibly spiteful towards me (I did not cheat on him nor take half of his 401K, retirement and savings accts., I left him the house, etc.etc.etc.) that there is no co-parenting (he and his wife will raise my son any way they want and I don't have anything to say about it and to get out of their lives, etc.), told my son's pediatrician that he fears our child is suffering from FAS (oh dear God) and went behind my back to my childs teachers and had them fill out medical questionaiire forms (for ADD since the pediatrician knew it was not FAS) all without my knowledge, forgets to give my son rx's constantly (pink eye drops, rx decongestant, antbiotics, etc.) and just recently started to give my son soda to drink (son never liked soda, he prefers water or milk anyday) immediately after the dentist discovered 3 more cavities (totally 5 now) in 1 years time and referred my child to a specialist becuase thats too many too quickly (SM gives all the kids a bedtime snack, I seriouslly suspect none brush their teeth afterwards) and now my son who never liked soda tells me he drinks it all the time at _____'s (SM) - son no longer even refers to the house as 'Dad's'! Ex won't drop my son off at my house Sun. & Mon. nights now that we don't have a daycare yet he's started 1st grade - tells me he doesn't want to give up his nights with his son so he'll bring him to my house @ 6:30 a.m. so I can get him to the bus stop at 8 a.m. SM lost my child while vacationing in Florida - but never told me, when I found out Ex blamed our 5 yr old child at the time, the SM blamed me! Niether respect me as the child's mother. My son IS effected by all of this. When is enough ENOUGH in the court's eyes? I feel a custody modification to where I have full legal custody, and he has only every other weekend and return the child to me on Sunday nights so as to not effect my son's school routine, and if the child needs any prescriptions then I may refuse custoday visitation to be made up at a later time would be in my son's best interests. Am I going to be told yet again by yet another attorney that there's nothing I can do about it?

My Ex's approach, and subsequent actions, is extremely suspect. Is it a custody ploy? Or is it really the new step Mom (SM) that is the at the root of all of this? Ex never would own up to being ADD himself, yet he's hell bent on having our son being diagnosed with it. Why? Ex initiated it with son's pediatrician as 'we are concerned about son's behavior, we think it's due to his mother's excessive drinking during pregnancy' (a heinous lie/attack) He was sneaky and silent about his approach and handing ADD questionairre forms to pre-school and then kindergatern teachers every step of the way, trying to keep me in the dark. The sneakyness and silence didn't stop after he was busted. Now he's slanting the test results and providing to the pediatrician inaccurate/duplicate/false forms. It doesn't make sense that the Ex would want his son defined as ADD. It would make sense that SM would, I know who she's married to and what she has to go through.

SM's questionairre is suspect to her and my son having a problem. She rated him as Very Much Cruel, very much this that and the other, whereas his teachers and myself are on the polar end. The highest test results came from both SM (20) and Ex (15), then pre-school (13 and at a time that a wretched wretched child was a horrid influence on my child). I am concerned Ex will get son labeled,amongst many many many other things. I want my son to have a fair shake before he is labeled and on psychotropic mind altering medications for a lifetime. I believe it's a dicipline issue - not ADD. Given that ADD is heretitary, I would not be surprised if it ends up to be ADD, But ADD is so commonly misdiagnosed and there is proof that my son is gifted - which is commonly mis-diagnosed as ADD. He was tested for being gifted, but lacked the patience so he was not accepted into the program. There is a major power struggle going on. Ex is CONSTANTLY cramming SM down my throat at any and every chance he can. What is really going on? I'm in too deep and need some flies on the wall to bounce back some views. PS - I never speak badly about my Ex or the SM anywhere near my child - NEVER. I make a point of speaking up nicely about them with my son. Also, unless you have actually gone back to court and won full custody based on premises as such, Plz don't presume it's so easy to accomplish. I cherish and adore my only child - he is my life, my heart, my everything.