Any advice on coping with caring for elderly parents?

my mom and aunts are going through the same thing, and they're going crazy even though they have been able to split responsibilites up among the three of them! I definatley know how tiring this must be for you.

You've obviously decided a nursing home is out of the question, but before you completly toss the idea, consider if caring for them yourself is something you're capable of doing without damaging your own mental health. People can grow very depressed handeling such a responsibility. friends my mom has met through this journey who have eventually decided to hand their parents care to professionals are much happier that they did it. Their own happiness has elevated and they feel better about the welfare of their parents. Nursing homes don't have to be traumatic; many of them are nice and more accomidating than a regular home. The staff is also knowledgable and accidents are much less likely to occur.

If you decide that's still not an option, make sure you get "me" time. Are either of your parents veterans? If so, the vet society will help out immensely, covering a great deal of medical related costs and also providing day-stay care at select facilities. My grandfather goes twice a week for 5 hours. He recieves rehabilitation under medical staff supervision. This also gives my aunts a chance to get a break. I'm sure their are other facilities such as this not sponsered by the vets. It's well worth the effort to look into.

Do you have any siblings? If so, call upon them to come over and watch your parents on random days of the week.

You also need to get familiarized with the community in which you are now living. This is your temporary home, don't isolate yourself. Find activities that are similiar to ones that could be found in your old community; yoga classes, book clubs, etc. Even go out to the bar every once and a while!

Lastly, while this is clearly very tiring and a huge responsibility, don't let it bring you down. Redirect your feelings into positive ones. Your parents are obviously not well; the time you have with them is valuable, and once you lose them, you'll realize how greatful you are to have been with them so much. While they are in your care, that doens't mean your relationship has to be strictly business. Look for opportunities to laugh, talk and have fun with them. It will be rewarding in the end.

You're very admirable for taking this on; seeing my mom do it has proven that caring for parents is one of the hardest obstacles life throws in ones path. I hope everything works out well for you, as I also hope that I helped.

Believe me I completely understand what you mean. When my parents became ill and couldn't take care of themselves out of 4 of us kids I was the one who stepped up to the plate and left my live behind. I lived in Fla.had bought a house,kids,married the whole nine yards,but I just left that all behind,my kids did come up later. My point being is that you are doing the right thing taking care of them,the way I look at it is they took care of you whenever you were sick,sad,etc. so it's the least we can do in return, I don't regret any of the last 12 yrs. wish I had more,but my mother passed away last year and I was right there at her bedside. There are home health businesses that will come in and help you out,by bathing,doing some light house cleaning,cooking,and even letting you get out for a while. Atleast there is in the state of Tennessee,so I would imagine there is something like that everywhere. Good luck and don't feel guilty about feeling the way you do. It's natural.

Check into home hospice centers nearby. They will give you advice on how to find people who can come in to give you a break. Depending on the level of income you may be eligible for social services to send in state paid care-givers. If your parents house is paid for or even if it isn't, you can look into getting them a Reverse Annuity Mortgage, or RAM which can help to pay for their care while you work. Good luck and God bless.

Contact www.homeinstead.com in your area. Caregivers are available. I am assuming you are in your fifties or older; are you an only child? If you don't have siblings that can help; get in touch with Social Services in your town,county and/or state. It is unfair to your parents to have their sole welfare depending on someone as selfish and resentful as you seem to be. Get the help you all need.

Yes they took care of you growing up so if they need caring for you should do the same. That's about how I feel on the matter. Don't just push them off to ppl who work in nursing home. They didn't send you somewhere else to get feed or your diaper changed. They didn't take you somewhere else to get medical with someone else. Think about it. They made time for you growing up now make time for them.