A Composite of Law and Ethics Questions?

Question

I didn't pay my rent because the roof leaks so my landlord gave me a 3-day notice to pay or quit. I can't pay the full amount because my boss, who never gave me lunch breaks, fired me unfairly. This stressed me out so I smoked marijuana while pondering whether it should be legalized and whether or not the death penalty should be abolished. I got paranoid and thought an intruder was coming inside, but I don't know if I can legally shoot him. Instead, I went to the store to take care of my munchies. Naturally, at the store, I proceeded to use the public restroom to have sex with a 17-year-old even though I'm 18. When I was done, I was accused of shoplifting by a guard who wanted to search me. I ran away from him, but slipped in the store because I had my eyes closed at the time. I didn't get hurt, but I want to sue the store because I didn't get my economic stimulus check yet due to my parents claiming me as a dependent. What are my legal options?

Update:

RM: How did you know about that? It's complicated by my recent gay marriage that I'm trying to get legally recognized in Texas. If that fails, I'll just have to get a gun permit, but I need to get my criminal record expunged first.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

umm...like.. I think there's a law against that.  Then you should be able to recover some money...it's in Article VI of the constipation.

Additional Details:
You got the 17 year old pregnant, you're not on the birth certificate, but she is mentally unstable and you want sole custody.

Edit:  
You might be able to submit your dispute to meditation.

I_got_the_wow_effect · Answer

oh and let me guess the 17 yr old got prego and now she wants an abortion but she can't so you are pondering about when is that going to be legalized too ;) ...gosh you can sue so many people at this point..the government...your landlord..the store...you got a lot in your hands buddy

AFJROTC · Answer

if you dont go to jail first, i would get out of the appartment and move back in with your parents.  them claiming you and you working is against the law.  otherwise best of luck

Lawyer X · Answer

Brilliant!  Thanks for the Yahoo! Answers laugh.

A Composite of Law and Ethics Questions?

4 Answers