I am really frustrated. Advice, please! (Sorry this is so long)?

Question

So my husband and I have been TTC since last October.  Today is the beginning of my 11th cycle since TTC.  We're both young and this would be our first child.  After going off BC it took awhile for my cycles to become regular but they did around January.  I started charting this last cycle because I wasn't sure whether or not I was ovulating (I found out I am due to my temps and OPK results).  Anyway, AF showed her face today (damn her!) which was really disappointing because I thought for sure that this was my lucky month.  

Anyway, I told my husband that I was going to chart for one more cycle and then if we still weren't pregnant, I wanted to go to the doctor to get tested, etc.  I want him to get a sperm analysis as well as me get any sort of blood work, etc. that they normally check when couples haven't conceived within a year.  Well, his response was that he wanted to wait three or four more months to go to the doctor.  He was the one who really wanted to start TTC last year and now he just wants to prolong it???  I asked him what his reason was thinking that maybe he just wasn't completely sure he was ready to be a father or maybe he had another reason.  I just wanted to know why he wanted to wait.  He couldn't give me a reason - just said he didn't want to do it this month or this month.  What the h*ll???  If he had given me some sort of reason for waiting, I would have been fine.  Now I'm really upset!

Have any of you TTC ladies had husbands/partners who just didn't want to get tested?  Could it be that he's embarrassed to do the sperm analysis or afraid of the results?  I just really don't know what to do.  I thought he wanted a baby as badly as I do since he was the one who wanted to start TTC immediately after we got married last year (I asked him to wait until we had been married about six months).

Please help!  I've just been really frustrated lately and today when AF showed just made me feel worse.

Tarafeind · Accepted Answer

Most men will put off that testing as long as they can, it's a sensitive subject for them. There is nothing to stop you from initiating the testing for yourself, and talk to him about the whole process when you do, it may help ease his embarrassment. It may also show him that you are prepared to do the hard yards and might make him feel like he should be too, as the testing for the woman usually involves several more tests and procedures than that for the man does. good luck to you.

Melissa W · Answer

It is definitely a super sensitive subject for most men. I think he's probably embarassed or insecure about it, or maybe he is misinformed. My SO had no idea how the process worked. We did it at home and brought it to the lab, maybe your DH thinks he has to do it at the doctors office, or worse - in front of the doctor? Sounds silly but I suppose if you've never done it you don't know. I would let your emotions cool off a big (damn AF!) and bring it up again in a few days. Let him know the sooner you rule out any problems, the sooner things can progress. I hope he comes around.

Anonymous · Answer

He probably just does not feel comfortable giving the specimen. Give him time he will come around. Good Luck and lots of baby dust to you! What I would do is I would BD every day after I get off AF. That way you are sure that you won't miss the big day. Just do it everyday and that should be fail proof.

Anonymous · Answer

Personally I think it's probably that he doesn't want to get the results or he may be embarrassed. Either way just try for a few more months and if nothing happens go see a doctor. Usually when you stop trying is when it happens! Good luck

happy life · Answer

my hus prolonged it for more than 1 1/2 yrs....bcos i was studying....only when i completed my degree july 2009,he went for checkup.....spme ppl r like that ....dont worry....i had pcos after checkups...hope u r normal...lots of baby dust ur way...

I am really frustrated. Advice, please! (Sorry this is so long)?

5 Answers