How does Boston pizza get their dough like that?

I worked at BP during that big oil spill a few years back. This one dipshit, who I won't name (*ahem* Jeff) was filtering the fryer oil, and was pouring it back in the fryer when one of the hotter waitresses was walking by. He, completely enamored by her good looks (and perky behind), apparently forgot how to hold onto objects and dropped all of that piping-hot oil onto the kitchen floor, and it got everywhere. It took us days and gallons of dish soap to clean it up, but this happened right before the supper rush so we had to get through it at any cost.

None of us could walk because the treads on our shoes were all f'ed, but one of our cooks quickly discovered that a large pre-portioned dough ball could stick to our feet while not sliding around too much in the oil. So that's what we all did, but there wasn't a whole lot of dough portioned; we didn't have the time to do more, so we had to use the dough off our feet. If you had BP that night, that's what was going on. Sorry about that

It’s magic. You know. Never believe it’s not so!

By having a barney or a biddy from Southie piss in it.