What do I do in the meantime?

Question

So my husband and I are having issues in our marriage. We're waiting on marriage counseling but it's fully booked out for the next three months. He doesn't communicate with me about most things. He's always too tired after work during the week to have meaningful conversations. And on the weekends he's in a mood and focused on just what he wants to do with the day because he's done nothing but work all week. We cuddle at night when we go to sleep. And we have sex but there's no real emotional connecting happening outside of those two things. I feel lonely and sad borderline depressed most of the time. I cannot survive three more months like this. What do I do?

d j · Answer

First of all, don't lay all your hopes on the counselling that you think will help vanish all your marital problems.

You can only provide space to your spouse so that he can feel safe around you.

Just because the other person doesn't love you the way you want, doesn't mean you should give up on that person.

Counseling too will only work if he is genuinely interested in it.

seedy history · Answer

Call another counseling center. Not every counseling office is booked out for the next three months.

Barb Outhere · Answer

What can you do?

See if on-line counseling is available. Or phone consults. 
Read some relationship books.. Some good ones are "The five languages of love" or the relationship one by Dr Phil Mc Graw. Can't hurt to have a bit more information under your belt. Don't insist everything must go by the book, but use them for some hints.
Make the effort now. Be more relaxed around him. Try to ease his stress when he gets home. Ask him about his day and really listen. If he needs a bit of space to de-stress try to give him some. Have healthy meals prepared -good food fuels the body and helps it deal with stress. 
Go tot he pharmacist and see if there is some sort of supplement that will help. B group vitamins are one. He made benefit from some sleep assist formulas if that's a problem for him. 
See the doctor with him to rule out medical factors affecting his energy levels - High blood pressure, diabetes, being over or underweight, hormone levels, vitamin or mineral deficiency, etc. At the very least those could be ruled out.

Anonymous · Answer

I think that the first thing you need to do is put things in place to ensure that he is fully rested and de-stressed. If that means letting him sleep in then so be it. You are more likely to be able to reason with him when he is in a positive frame of mind and that means he needs to be refreshed.

With regard to resolving the actual issues between you, I always believe that every relationship is salvageable. However, I think the first thing you need to do is to be proactive in making things work between you. By that I mean you both need to work on resolving the complications that caused these issues in the first place. In order to do that you will both need to think of solutions and ultimately, you will both need to compromise on certain things. If you are both capable of doing these things then you can make things work.

Pearl L · Answer

maybe you should talk to a regular counselor if marriage counseling aint available

What do I do in the meantime?

5 Answers