My poem :-) ... your comments appreciated. See details below.?

ok - you asked for a critique? or at least that is my assumption? I like it but there are a few things I would change... may I?

This passion within [ I took out some words here ]

Like a fire

Burning intensely.

I am proud

But others think not.

The same flame scorching

A threat -

Others took flight.

For it shines bright

Showing wrong

Showing right.

lluminating the darken path

For those who ask.

[I made some changes here too - a bit too much rhyming for me in 2nd stanza]

I never understand how what I have

Can be loved and hated

At the same time.

Should I perhaps change?

Think not!

What a shame it’ll be

I am not what I am

And that you’ll be glad

But I’ll be sad.

[ glad - sad - your ideas are ok, but this rhyming makes it a bit more simple than I think you want it ]

The fire in me

Let it be.

Love me, shun me

It is here to stay!

[ you use me 3x - but again the idea is good ]

Well, I hope this was not too intrusive. Of course, it is your poem and I have just made a few suggestions if you like them.. OK? I think that is what you are asking for eh? Feel free to disregard.. and all my best.. Again, ideas are good, needs a little work -

It is beautiful, except for some part is totally uncleared what is your massage, the reader loses the fade, and their are beautiful world but no rims, think about it.

I would have don some ending in som parts if I could find out really what you are talking about, I could only guess and that is why I didn't dare to give my opinion of the pom or changes that I would make on it.

hey, well I'll start with the first stanza. i don't want to come off to harshly but the first two lines seem a little cliche. and you have a rhyme that u start with that you abandon in the last two lines. i liked the similar sounds you played with and i was looking for a

hook to reel me in. that just my personal preference.

i liked that second stanza!!!! consistent with your sounds and it makes me ask the question: is this god. was that your intention?

that third stanza threw me off because of my early assumption.

and then the last line of the poem brings me back to the same assumption. i like the poem i am just not sure were i should be.

hope i helped

It's lovely. Poetry comes deep within. Don't change a thing. You are the light and the salt of the earth. Never feel bad for that.

Yeah it's pretty good! If I had any constructive critisism, I would say perhaps try to make your symbols a little more multilayered or subtle, but I like the terseness of the style.

The poem is not only beautiful but suburb. It is very, very deep ,almost hauntingly so.It has a spiritual depth to it, which exemplifies a lot of talent. It is all together lovely !!!! God Bless your talents, may you prosper in your creativity .

I had to read this one a couple of times but I like it, be who you are and do not let any one take your passion from you. Yes I really like this poem.

That's Deep Man... It makes me want to eat a bullet

I like the prose, but it sounds like you are quite full of yourself. The line "showing what's wrong and what's right" makes me ask, who put you in charge.

Wow. I am so impressed with your poem! You really rock at it!