Short jokes for your pleasure?

Question

1) A guy found a magic lamp and, naturally, he rubbed it. A genie popped out and said, "I'll grant you any wish you want."
The guy thought and thought, and finally gave his answer. "I want to be hard all the time and get all the *** I want."
"As you wish," replied the genie. So the genie turned him into a toilet seat. 

2) A dog, a cat, and a p***s are sitting around a camp fire one night. The dog says, "My life sucks, my master makes me do my business on a fire hydrant!". The cat says, "I don't think so, my master makes me do my business in a box of cat litter." The p***s outraged, says "At least your master doesn't put a bag over your head and make you do push ups until you throw up!"

3)Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.

goal.saver · Accepted Answer

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha thatss so funny oh god hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Anonymous · Answer

thanks man im gonna return the favor.

1.    A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.

"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.

"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.

And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

2.          One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "b.itch" and the women called the man a "b.astard".

Their son walked in and said "What does b.itch and b.astard mean?" and the parents replied "ladies and gentlemen".

The next day the parents decided to have sex, the women said "feel my t.itties" and the man said "feel my d.ick".

Their son walked in and asked "What does t.itties and d.ick mean?" and the parents replied "hats and coats".

On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself, "S.hit" he said, the kid came in and asked "What's that mean" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.

Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "F.uck" she said. Once again the kid asked "What's that mean" the mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.

Then the door bell rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said "Alright you b.itches and b.astards, put your d.icks and t.itties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the s.hit off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen f.ucking the turkey!

gentleman · Answer

1&3 were great didnt get the 2nd one . Nice one ..lol

Helena · Answer

Umm, wow. Thank you. -laughs-
The second one is very funny. Last one, not so much (and I'm not a "prejudiced feminist," thank you very much).

iXiE · Answer

Thank you for the jokes..Very funny!!!!

square tomato · Answer

hahahhahahahahahhahahahahhaaaahahahahahhaahahaahahahahahahahahahhahhahahhhahahhahahha

Short jokes for your pleasure?

6 Answers