So this girl asked me for dinner... care to answer my question?

Question

If this is a long question for you then please care not to read at all, I will understand. I am re-posting this. I had to include all the details for you to help better. Thanks for your patience and answering this question in advance.

So there was a girl whom I met about 3 years ago, during one early spring. I was very lonely and had no friends at the time. We were both went to the same grad school. She quickly made friends with me and introduced me to her friends. I made friends with everyone, still am. And then about a year ago, she stopped talking to me. Completely. I was in complete surprise, sadness and had a lot of questions. I was always able to sense a distance. I was unable to impose myself upon her and there was invisible boundary that was a mile wide. I felt very sad, hurt and crushed. Many times, it drove me to such hurt, it felt it really hard to let go. I know friendships don't come with any attachments, and that she is free to go anytime. It took me a long time. I called, emailed, texted, wrote to her, no replies ever. I would send gifts, cards, on birthdays, christmas... she would write back in single words a thank you or send me another card. I felt so frustrated at our friendship, because I didn't feel like she was being a friend to me. I struggled a lot emotionally to let her go. but eventually i did. I am still friends with all her friends, and to be all honest with you, they are the only true friends I have, even to this day. Well, over the past one year I have never even seen her. She always had the liberty of inquiring of me through her friends who were my friends, and when I ask about her, they would simply always say, 'I will let you ask her that question?' which drove me nuts because she never did, she never even cared to answer, check or even reply to the countless letters, invitations, occasions, emails I have sent her. It took a long time for the hurts to heal, and now I have moved on. I always felt being manipulated and taken advantage of when she had the liberty to know whats going on in my life, and I had absolutely no means or chance even to know how she is for the past two years. And about a week ago, I got an invitation through email from her to join her for dinner along with the same friends who are my friends too and her mom. I feel terrible now. I know I am with friends, but they are all girls and were always loyal to her, though friends with me much the same, I had no liberty of whats going on. Silence was unbearable. I would feel terribly awkward and sad to open wounds which took me a long time to heal,... a year long of silence and not checking on me, and not caring to even reply is hard enough, not to mention the emotional struggles that I had to go through. I hate to be in this position. Over the last one year I remember countless occasions when I have invited to see her, be friends with her, and now this one time, when she tries I have to avoid going, all for reasons which she alone knows. I still want her to know that she can call me, reach to me, come talk to me anytime she wants,... but not this way, not when I still have a billion unanswered questions, not with her mom.

I honestly don't know what to reply to her. I feel all my friendships are breaking apart and I am in a position where I cant even approach my friends and ask for help.

Should I go? What do you think?

Here's her invite -> Quote
" Hi friends,
So my mama's gonna be in town for a week and really wants to meet some of the people I love and spend time with. So I figured that a dinner party would be a perfect idea!
Please come - I would love for you to spend some time around one of the most significant influences of my life, and I would love for her to be around some of my dearest friends! Love all of you dearly! "

I feel terrible, at the mixed message in her invite,.. or am I being a bad friend???? What should I do?

RAVEN · Accepted Answer

so you have waited all this time for an olive branch
and now she is offering it
you dont know whether to go???

whats wrong with you???
ok its not the one on one you wanted
but i think she sees this as an ice breaker
a chance to see you again without it being just the 2 of you, that could be confrontational
so she is easing the way

just go, but dont be heavy
just enjoy the night and the dinner, join in
and let it go at that
afterwards she will see how much she has missed your friendship and hopefully it will progress again from there

just dont go on and on about everything
just take it as it comes

Anonymous · Answer

I would have to question her motives if I were you.  I would ask her if she would see me alone before the dinner party so the two of you can address some of your valid concerns.  If she refuses, then you will know there is another reason she wants you to attend, and it is not that you are among her "dear friends".  Don't accept her invitation until she has given you the respect a friend deserves.
  I know from personal experience how hard it is to let go of a cherished friendship, but a one-sided relationship is not healthy.  I am reminded of a couple quotes: "You can lead a heart to love, but you can't make it fall", "Never make another person a priority in your life when you are merely an option in theirs." 
  Be strong, and I wish you the best as you sort through this.

Bendee · Answer

wow. there is no way in hell i am reading all of that. good luck bud.....

ok, so i changed my mind. its many hours later and i'm bored. sorry i didn't respond earlier i was a little testy (haha). anyway. I've had much the same situation happen to me fairly recently. The only thing i can tell you is that I think you should go, BUT, don't get your hopes up about reconnecting with her. I did...(in my similar situation) and it didn't even come close to what i had envisioned would happen. While your having dinner don't make it obvious that you want to talk to her as badly as you do. Make small talk among all of your friends, she will most definitely join in. if not, stoke the fire so to speak...ask her a question directly, she will HAVE to say something then. everyone would think it weird if she didn't, especially her mother. if you DO get a chance to speak with her in private tell her how she made you feel all those years she wouldn't talk to you. because that really isn't fair at all to you. you too were friends right? where did that friendship go? did you do something wrong? or did she disappear purely on her accord? either way, i hope you find the answers you seek my friend. 

good luck

Anonymous · Answer

Well if I ask a guy out, I would assume I would pay for dinner because I did the inviting. It depends though, I'd be prepared to pay. If he's a gentleman he'd end up paying.

GRANOLA · Answer

You obviously spend too much time thinking and obsessing with this person.  In any case you should go to the party, hang out with your friends, socialize and have a good time.  If she wants to open up to you she will, if not, you'll still have had a good time and you won't be the one shutting yourself out from other friends who you care about.

? · Answer

I would go. Maybe she didn't realize that she was blowing you off so bad. Maybe you can mention to her when you see her that you miss spending time with her and see if she wants to hang out sometime. But if after that she still ignores you, then forget her. You obviously mean something to her because she sent you the invite. Good luck!

Reflected Life · Answer

I would go but not stay late and say that you have somewhere to be later that evening.  It shows that you have gotten over her and have other things going on in your life. You might even want to be a bit cold towards her, if you know what I mean.

TheAsyluM · Answer

I say carpe diem.  If you don't go, you'll always wonder if you could have finally had all your questions answered.  The fact that she invited you means that she is throwing a rope out to you... If you want answers, then the best advice is to go for it.

J · Answer

dontbe stupid say yes. she might be desperate like this one girl i know that asks out all the new guys or she will be cool like me. just say yes

Anonymous · Answer

Oh no. I cannot read all of that... Well, I think she wants you to sleep with her. Good Luck!

So this girl asked me for dinner... care to answer my question?

14 Answers