Husband wants more sex, I'm stressed out, Help?

Question

Long story short, we've been having some pretty serious problems in our marriage, our financial life, and our sex life. We were having sex several times a day (this is with having a 10 month-old baby). I was working from home as a writer. Then, I found out that he was trying to cheat on me with women online. I left for a few weeks so that he could figure out what he really wants out of life, since we've been having problems off and on for awhile. 

Fast forward a month. I moved back in and got a job outside the home to make a more consistent income and to build a career.  He works 12 hour night shifts that rotate weekends, I work day shifts. There's only really a few days a week we're even around each other for more than an hour early in the morning. When we're around each other and the baby's asleep, we have sex. 

Here's the problem. He's not happy with that. I'm fighting my feelings of betrayal, trying to build a new job, and I'm still doing contracts for my clients in my free time. (I don't have a choice. We're trying to claw our way out of student loan debt hell. If I don't make extra, we'll go under.) He gets mad at me when I turn him down for sex after he just not five minutes ago was telling me to go cry in the other room (he hurt my feelings) because he doesn't care. 

I don't want to be a bad wife, but I'm really getting pushed to my limit here. What should I do?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Put out or get out , what good's a wife that won't have sex with her husband ?

? · Answer

Very common and it doesn't change much over time. Wives' work usually doesn't stop when they come home; they still bear most of the responsibility for keeping the house going and looking after the kids so when someone is that tired, sex isn't a priority. And it's true most men use sex as a way to de-stress while for a woman, it's more about connection. Sex can seem like one more job she has to do so if the connection is suffering b/c she's overworked and overtired, it's a good bet sex will suffer, too. Once the kids are grown and things have settled, women often enjoy it more.

Marianne · Answer

To be honest, I don't really know how to answer this question.  My husband have a similar problem.  He and I work different shifts (he - 3rd and me 1st) and our sex life sucks!  We try like you to have sex whenever we can.  I agree that you shouldn't turn him down.  He has "needs" and for men, sex is a pretty big need.  However, he should be meeting your needs too.  Do you know if he is still doing "sexual" things on the internet?  If so, that is what is fueling his sexual desire.  It will only make him more "horny."  I would find out that unless you already know is faithful now.  I do agree about the marital counsel too.

l8tr g8tr · Answer

Marital counseling - don't wait, don't put it off...make an appointment and have him work it into his schedule the same way you will work it into yours.  If you don't - your marriage will continue to suffer and likely end.  Counseling should help you both get back on track...

(Next time, put off children until the debt is paid down...that part of the stress is really something that could have been avoided at this moment in time...)

♥♥Giver♥♥ · Answer

Wow...you don't want to be a bad wife BUT your husband almost cheated on you.  If he was trying to cheat online how do you get past that ? I sure as hell wouldn't, and that would be my #1 argument for NOT HAVING sex with him. How can you have sex with him when  you know  he has been chatting with other women with the intention to go behind your back ( I would have left , but that is me)

? · Answer

Seperating from him is the worst thing u can do and with him obviously being a sex addict u need to work the same shift if possible..

Tararizzer · Answer

possibly time to move on or get counseling depends on how into the relationship you still are.

Husband wants more sex, I'm stressed out, Help?

7 Answers