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?
Lv 5
? asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 8 years ago

Critique this poem for me?

“People change”, he says. “People grow.”

I've seen it happen. I should know.

There's no real evidence that he can show

Yet he still preaches: The highest of the high can come from the lowest of the low.

I dupe my heart into believing what I can't convince my mind.

Walk around as if I were mute, deaf, and blind.

We all pretend there's no untruth to find.

I wish so badly his intentions were truly kind.

It's all so familiar, this game that we play.

I can almost predict the exact lies that he'll say.

It'd be too much to ask for the happiness to stay

Yet I fall deeper, knowing all the while that in the end I'll be the one to pay.

Serenity crumbles, and promises break.

We make excuses that we know are fake.

Through the cracks in his well-crafted facade we catch a glimpse of the cold-hearted snake.

Yet we dumbly let him ruin what isn't his to take.

“Old habits die hard,” now that one I believe.

I'm not sorry as I watch him leave; too tired from it all to even grieve.

I finally realize there's nothing left of his soul to retrieve.

I know it won't be easy, and the battle has just begun.

But I've made the first step by stepping out of the darkness, and into the sun.

I have no reasons left to run. I'll seek no revenge, even though it could be fun.

“People change,” he said. “People grow.”

I've seen it happen, and now I know.

I am the evidence there is to show.

The highest of the high has come from the lowest of the low.

4 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago
    Favourite answer

    That is so inspiring

  • 4 years ago

    i do no longer hassle approximately harsh critique. i've got had a lot of that for the time of my time. You pass forward in case you think of i've got written rubbish. with the aid of ways, spelling errors on your first line HH. could be pal upload: till you have have been given a distinctive way of spelling it everywhere you come from.(smiles)

  • ?
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    I admire your skill at rhyme but I think in this case you should look up free verse. Also edit, your poem is a bit long for the subject matter.

  • 8 years ago

    I really love it.

    I would say a lot more but I guess they're all too personal. It's really good. Good job.

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